Right?!?
That's like the number 1 principle in the fitness industry.
Otherwise, why would we have memes like this one:
Or this one:
Or this one?
And surely we all remember this one??
As a trainer and fitness professional, I hear talk about "excuses" a lot. I even talk to myself about them- "You've got this, Zita. No excuses." I'll tell myself, as I am prepping to lift my heaviest weight of the day. There's no two ways about it- in this industry, the belief is that if you aren't successful (read: perfect), it's because you are making excuses.
And it's not just fitness. We hear this same reasoning in virtually everything we do.
Stop making excuses and start doing.
If only it were that simple, right?
They say we've created a "culture of excuses".
That this is the root of all failed progress...
This morning, I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was crushing my chest.
Before even getting out of bed, I was in tears.
By the time I made it to the washroom, the tears had exploded into a full panic attack.
I spent the next 10 minutes on the bathroom floor, praying that my children wouldn't find me.
Why? Who knows. Maybe it's because I was up all night with sickness, likely from a gluten sensitivity that the world keeps insisting doesn't exist.
Or it could be something else.
Truth be told, it could be dozens of things that sent me over the edge. This month alone, I have lost a friend to domestic violence. I am working almost twice as much as I am used to because I am covering shifts for someone who lost a family member. I am completely swamped in the roughly 100 pages of projects that I have to turn in over the next 10 days. I am coping with a very real, very scary family crisis that is not ready for public disclosure. I had a fight with my best friend. I had a fight with my husband. My kids have been alternating insomnia-sleep patterns for weeks.
I'd just had enough. My body needed to release the tension. And so the volcano erupted and tears came.
I sat down to my social media account and wrote a long paragraph, something along the lines of "Dear friends, please don't take it personally if I am distant or unable to be a supportive resource for you over the next few weeks. I am drowning a bit, and while I will do my best, I need to take care of myself right now."
It wouldn't have been the first time I had written something like this. It wouldn't have been the first time this month.
Of course, it doesn't stop others from trying to take my time and pressure me into taking on more than I can.
But maybe they just don't understand. Maybe I just really need to explain to them...I just can't right now. I am overwhelmed. It is too much. I feel used, and disrespected, and pushed...I need space. I need to process. I need to focus on myself, just for a little while.
If I can just explain...
To me: an explanation.
But to others, an excuse?
What is the difference really?
Let's take a look at both those words, shall we?
Explanation:
noun
Excuse: noun
- 1.a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense."there can be no possible excuse for any further delay"
synonyms: justification, defense, reason, explanation, mitigating circumstances, mitigation,vindication
"that's no excuse for stealing"
Hmmm...funny. Those two definitions really aren't all that different at all. In fact, it appears that explanation is mostly just a euphemism for excuse. Or rather, excuse is a dysphemism for explanation- as it is implies that the explanation is being given in order to abdicate responsibility, or justify something 'bad'.
So really, whether something is an explanation or an excuse really comes down to how the person receiving the information wants to perceive it.
And that's when I realized it. Inadvertently, I was falling into the exact trap that I had written about yesterday.
I was about to give ownership of my own personal power to others, for no reason except that society says that I should.
You see, in both 'explanation' and 'excuse', there is an implication of accountability. That I owe someone an explanation for what I did or did not do.
"Why don't you work out more?
I work two jobs, am raising two kids, have mental health issues and can't afford a gym.
Everyone's got an excuse. If it was a priority, you'd find a way."
We've all heard something along those lines in our lives.
But here's the thing.
I don't owe you, or anyone else, anything.
Really. Unless I am parenting you, am married to you, or have some other binding agreement with you- I don't owe you anything.
Not my excuses.
Not my explanation.
I owe you nothing.
This is particularly true in matters that relate to my own body, my health- physical, emotional, mental- and well-being or my time,
I owe you nothing.
We are all operating under this false premise that we somehow need to account for our decisions when it comes to our bodies and our wellness. That we need justify, defend, or vindicate our choices.
Because we have been told that our bodies don't belong to us, that our time must be accounted for, that our actions must conform to standards that others dictate.
The world, not you, gets to decide if your night of watching netflix and eating junk food qualifies as 'rest' and 'self care' or 'lazy' and 'promoting unhealthy lifestyles' (hint: the answer tends to depend on how much fat your have on your body.)
When it demands explanations, or accuses you of excuses, the world is literally saying that you owe it your time, your energy, and your actions.
And you don't.
But the world can be one hell of a bully.
It demands answers; answers it has absolutely no right to demand.
And we cave. Because we have always been told we have to.
We offer explanations to try to minimize the guilt and the shame we feel over things we should not feel guilt or shame over.
The world says that they are excuses.
We are told that we are the reason for all of our failures. That if we only did more, worked hard, tried new things, dreamed bigger dreams, gave more of ourselves, took less for granted...that we would be happy.
We feel more shame. We feel more guilt. We promise to do better.
Sometimes we even say things like "I need someone to hold me accountable."
We exacerbate the problem.
And when we have nothing left to give...we fail.
Because the entire thing is a set up.
The human body and spirit can not possibly do everything we are demanding it to do.
It is literally impossible for everything in your life to be a priority.
So which will you choose?
Family?
Fitness?
Diet?
Work?
Friends?
Self-Care?
Sleep?
Regardless of what doesn't make the top of the list, you will hear the same line:
"There's no excuse. You just aren't making it a priority."
We literally can not win.
And in this process, we have become so alienated from our bodies and our right to self-determination that we feel the need to apologize for not seeing our friends, skipping the gym, for having a cookie, not reading to our kids every night, for not making [insert activity here] a priority.
And when we do so, we re-enforce to others and to ourselves that we are not 'empowered'
We confirm to others that they have the right to dictate to us how we allocate our time, our energy and our resources.
We perpetuate the vicious cycle that prevents us from truly caring for ourselves the way that we need to.
What's your excuse?
Nothing.
Aren't you going to explain yourself?
No.
You don't owe anyone an explanation.
You are not required to make excuses.
You can simply 'do'.
You do not require permission or forgiveness for how you live your life.
And when you begin to decide that...
When you begin to understand that only you can really determine what areas of your life require your immediate attention, and what things are worth you mental, physical and emotional energy...
When you begin to see that the whole thing is a lie; that no one can actually live up to the impossible standards that we are setting for ourselves; that everyone feels like a failure some of the time, but that you alone have the power to decide what makes you feel successful...
That's when you start to take control of the process.
That's when you start to do the things that motivate you, not because of some extrinsic sense of accountability, but because you are compelled by deep-seeded, intrinsic hopes, dreams and desires.
That's where magic happens.
So no, today I will not post an explanation for taking a step back from imagined responsibilities and focusing in on real ones.
Today, I will not apologize for sitting down for an hour and writing this post. And then sitting down for another two and writing my paper. And then working for five hours and earning money for my family.
And if I don't make it to the gym, so be it.
And if I don't manage eight hours of sleep, I'll live.
And if I don't get back to your texts today, you'll live.
If it's an emergency, call 911.
<3 Love, Zita.
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