As I explained, you won't be hearing the What's Your Excuse? type rhetoric from me, not as your trainer or your friend.
I think it's a BS line of reasoning that doesn't actually accomplish much except re-enforce the idea that your fitness goals shouldn't be about you, but are about society's idea of who you should be.
And that's not only ineffective for sustainable change- it's downright harmful.
And yet, many people- myself included- sometimes feel stuck in 'pre-flight' mode.
They want change.
They want to try new things.
They want to explore other ways of feeling good within their skin.
And they want someone to help them sort out how to do, and how to push through when they feel like they can't do it.
Which begs the question: When the will for change dries up, how does a body positive trainer motivate?
This might be the most important part of my job as a personal trainer. Most people who come to me aren't looking to maintain their progress. They are looking to evolve, grow and change their bodies and their lives in meaningful ways.
And- let's face it- that's not an easy process.
Let's begin by asking ourselves this question:
Why is change so hard?
That's a pretty complicated question that psychologists have been wrestling with for years.
One reason is that people naturally cling to what is familiar, even if what is familiar isn't comfortable. If the risk of change outweighs the cost of staying the same, often we will revert back to old patterns.
Take, for example, smoking: When we think of quitting smoking, the first thing that comes to mind is health related concerns. That's a pretty strong motivator, and for some people it is actually motivating enough. But for someone who is deeply addicted, who may not have other coping tools, who has mental health issues and who is already struggling to keep it together, the fear of dying 10 years earlier doesn't actually outweigh the fear of how they are going to get through the next 48 hours without their one coping mechanism.
That being said, if you were to tell that same person, "The next cigarette you have is going to kill you, immediately", you might see a different response in some people. At that point, for most people, the risk of smoking greatly outweighs the cost of quitting, even if they are in a state of crisis.
Cost vs benefit is a pretty difficult equation to map out. It's a deeply individual process.
Another barrier to change is that we don't always see positive benefits to our change habits, and this can feel demotivating and frustrating. This, again, relates back to the idea that the cost- what we have given up- doesn't outweigh the benefit that we are seeing in the immediate now. We know the long term is worth it, but that doesn't change the short term frustration.
And honestly, the most real answer- for me, anyway- is that habits are really hard to break. I find myself snacking on my kids' chips. Not because I'm hungry. Not because I'm emotionally eating. Not even necessarily because they are there.
I do it completely subconsciously, because it is what I have always done. And sometimes, I forget that what I am doing now is different from what I have always done until after I have done it.
Whatever the reason, old habits die hard.
So, getting back to our main question- how do we motivate change in a body positive way?
Part of that comes down to what the main motivator of the change is, and also the barrier in play.
Scenario 1:
Client: I don't want to work out today.
Trainer: No excuses. Get your gym clothes on.
The client might feel better about having done their work out, and they might even be able to remember that feeling in the future when they feel stuck again. But they haven't actually discussed the issue, and so both outcomes of those are really just gambles. It is entirely possible the client will actually feel worse, and that they will run into the same situation again.
Client: I don't want to work out today.
Body Positive Trainer: Why? What's holding you back?
Client: I am too tired and too busy.
Body Positive Trainer: What are you busy doing?
Client: I have a big assignment due tomorrow.
Body Positive Trainer: I hear that! Did you know that short bouts of exercise immediately improve academic performance? Doing exercise might even make you feel less tired.
Client: I know...but...
Body Positive Trainer: Listen, it's your choice- but you are here anyway. If you want to try and see how you feel after 15 minutes, we can do that. Remember, even 10 minutes goes a long way to making your feel more energetic and less stressed.
Client: Ok...
Body Positive Trainer: Why don't you choose which exercises we should start with. Then we can take it from there.
That conversation, above, is almost verbatim one that I had with a client. They stayed the entire session. And then, the next week, they messaged me to tell me that they exercised the night before their big exam in order to help them study for it. That's a client that now sees the cost/benefit equation of exercise vs. school very differently.
Of course, there were also a few a conversation that went like this:
Client: I don't want to work out today.
Body Positive Trainer: Why? What's holding you back?
Client: I feel really run down lately. I am just...tired.
Body Positive Trainer: How's your sleep been?
Client: It's been terrible. I am tossing and turning all night. It's so weird. I got tons of exercise in last week- I should be sleeping really well. But I am not, and my muscles still feel really sore from my work out three days ago.
Body Positive Trainer: Hmm...that doesn't sound like you're just 'tired'. That sounds like your body may be experiencing legitimate fatigue. It might be sending us signals that you need a bit of a break. I think we should postpone this session and respect your body. What do you think?
Client: Maybe. I just really don't feel up for it.
Sure enough, the next day, I got a message from the client saying that they were legitimately sick.
Not training the day before was the healthiest choice they could make.
In both scenarios, the key was the same: the first step was the uncover the barrier to motivation.
By asking "What's holding you back?", instead of "What's your excuse?", we create a judgement free space that allows us to really dig into the barriers to change, and uncover the root of the issue.
"What's holding you back?" is a neutral question. It doesn't imply than an explanation is owed, but opens up a space for judgement free dialogue about barriers.
Sometimes, the barriers are something that we can overcome.
Sometimes, they aren't.
But we don't know unless we ask, which means that we have to start from a legitimate place of respecting our change process, and understanding that change doesn't happen in a linear fashion. Habits, like everything else in life, ebb and flow and evolve and regress. Often, there are reasons behind these patterns that we aren't even aware of.
A What's Holding You Back? mentality allows us to validate the feelings associated with lifestyle and behaviour change, including fear and insecurity, and recognizes that a variety of factors affect our ability to effect change at any given moment.
Sometimes, you actually don't have time.
Sometimes, you actually don't have the energy.
Sometimes, you actually can't afford it, or don't know how to afford it.
Sometimes, you just need a break.
All of these things can be valid reasons for stepping away and catching your breath.
And yes, sometimes, your brain is playing tricks on you and you find out:
that you can find time,
that you do have the energy,
that you can learn skills that are economical and accessible for all levels.
that you need to move more than you think you do and
that it will make you feel better.
But unless you dig a little deeper and find out what's actually holding you back, you're never going to know.
Sometimes, the biggest hurdle to change is feeling like you have no support, no one to talk to.
Sometimes, someone asking you "What's holding you back?" is literally the best thing they can do for you.
Approach others- and yourself- with the non-judgmental presumption that we are all trying to do the very best we can for ourselves, with the tools that we have at the time.
You'll be amazed at what you can uncover when you start with that assumption.
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