The purpose of this theme isn't to teach, coach or otherwise impart knowledge. My personal knowledge on this topic is very limited. I am still deep in the trenches, covered in the mud and dust of my own personal excavation process. I have discovered what lies beneath, but the process of unearthing it and bringing it to light- well, that's a lifelong journey.
But it's a journey that had to start somewhere, and for most of us it starts with ''digging deep'.
Digging deep has different connotations for different people, but most would describe it as a tapping into your very deepest psycho-emotional drives, and finding out 'what you're made of'...
what lies at the very core of who you are?
We talk about digging deep in moments of great stress or tension, tapping into this force to push us through difficult times or barriers. This internal power gets us through some of our most challenging times.
Which kind of makes me wonder what would happen if we 'dug deep' all the time.
What if, in everything we undertook, we asked ourselves the simple question:
How does this reflect the core of who I am?
Or, for those of us who are still in the excavation process: How does this bring me closer to the core of who I am?
Seems trite?
I know, I know...I can already hear the barriers and objections being raised...
Objector: You want me to ask myself how everything I do brings me closer to the core of who I am? Me: Yes.
Objector: So like, when I am choosing what to eat for dinner that night? I should ask myself- what kind of dinner brings me closer to the core of who I am?
Me: Sure. Why not?
Objector: Because it's just dinner?
Me: Is it?
You see, I could pick great, really relevant examples here and easily prove my point. There's no doubt that asking this question on big topics can help us really hone in on our vision and push past difficult scenarios.
Again, we covered that. We are generally pretty great at digging deep when it comes to the tough stuff.
But, for the most part, the tough stuff doesn't really account for most of our life experiences or most of our time. Sure, many of our biggest moments are defined by our toughest experiences. But the vast majority of our time is spent fluxing between 'mostly easy' and 'OK, this is starting to feel a little hard now...'
Truth: Most of your time is spent doing pretty mundane things.
So, let's talk about the mundane: Dinner.
How can dinner bring you closer to the core of who you are? Well, there are tons of ways- each dependent on your own personal vision of yourself. But, since I can't speak to your own experiences, the best I can do is offer some insight into mine:
Dinner in our home has always been the simple act of consuming food- there has been nothing routine or ritualistic about it in the slightest. We tend to eat at sporadic times, often separately, and generally not at the table. Part of this is that we have really erratic, unpredictable schedules. Part of this is that one of our kids has ARFID, which definitely complicates food routines.
But, truth be told, most of it is just really bad habits. And these habits lead to terrible things: more tv time than any of us need, less than optimal food choices, and losing hours and hours of precious together time that could have been so much better spent.
So lately, I have been really craving spending more quality time with my family, and dinner is one of those times where I think that changing a few habits can make a big difference in my life.
As silly as it sounds, how I approach dinner time can help bring me closer to my core vision for myself by increasing my sense of family, togetherness, health, nourishment, love and joy.
So how does this knowledge affect my dinner choices?
- By pre-planning my meals, I can better organize time for it and ensure that every is able to eat at the same time and in the same place.
- By choosing healthy, nutritious foods that are filling for our meals, I can reduce fly-by snacking- which is the biggest thing that throws off our structured meal times. I also feel more positive about preparing food that I know is good for my family, and enjoy experimenting with new things in the kitchen.
- Different meal types lend themselves to different types of table time dynamics. Tacos, Build Your Own Pizza or Nachos, and Sloppy Joes set a different tone than a fancy four course sit down meal. By choosing options that are more fun focused, I can encourage my kids to see dinner time as a fun, social activity.
And that's just a starter list.
Of course, things won't always look like that. Sometimes, we will be in the car, heading home from the pool, and the kids will be tired, cranky and hungry, and we will be rushing to get them to bed, and my 'core' answers are going to be very different than they would be in different circumstances.
So, how can dinner choices, in that context, best serve the core of who I am? Well, by recognizing that sometimes we are best served by being flexible, by adapting to our circumstances, by prioritizing needs (hunger) instead of wants (an at home dinner routine), and by encouraging us to learn from the experience so that we can make different choices in the future.
Regardless, serving the core of who you are should always allow for self-forgiveness, when things don't quite go as planned.
The key here isn't to make perfect choices all the time. It is to be intentional in our choices- to feel like we are making the best choices we can, under the circumstances, and to understand that we empowered in our decision making ability.
When we make empowered, purposeful choices, we shift our focus towards intrinsic motivation, which is the most sustainable path towards change.
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