My response to the recent letter that is circulating called Hey Fat Girl. I encourage you to read it via this specific link, so as to not drive traffic to the site. I also encourage you to read it first, as I have style my response to be as close as possible to the original letter.
Hey, "Nosy, Judgmental, Fat-Phobic Girl/Boy"
Hey, "Nosy, Judgmental, Fat-Phobic Girl/Boy"
Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. Me, in my imperfect running form, sweating profusely, still covered in a layer of fat that reflects my age and my former body size more than it does my actual fitness level.
Your eyes are slow, making their way up and down my body, and I see in them that familiar flash: "Fat. Girl." You think to yourself. I know that look. I've seen it often enough before.
Despite your best efforts, my body makes you cringe.
You pick up your pace a bit. I can always tell when a thin girl/boy is getting ready to lap me. Maybe it's an attempt to show me up. Maybe it's just the excitement and anticipation and making it around fast enough to get a good second look at the size of my ass.
I'm sweating so much my hair is wet. It disgusts you. "Why do fat people sweat so much?" you ask yourself. But you don't know enough about fitness and physiology to actually know the answer to your own question, so you move on. You run your 20 minutes before hitting the machines. Or maybe today it is the free weights. Sometimes, you run just long enough to warm up before that awesome TRX class you are heading into.
You're strong, and lean, and toned. I get it. I noticed you flex just a little bit more when our eyes locked momentarily.
Yes. In case, you're wondering, I'm impressed. Sure. Why not.
You know I'm working hard. And at least I'm trying, right? Even if I am not as awesome as you are...at least I'm trying...
So you smile at me. That sick, sweet, condescending smile of 'encouragement'. Sometimes, you even feel compelled to talk to me. To support me. To tell me "Hey, great job (fat girl)! Keep it up!" Sometimes, you've even gone far enough to notice that I'm holding a pretty damn good pace..."Wow, you're pretty fast! That's awesome! Great progress."
And then you go on your merry way, proud of yourself for showing such kindness onto you fellow (fat) human (sub) being.
Your eyes are slow, making their way up and down my body, and I see in them that familiar flash: "Fat. Girl." You think to yourself. I know that look. I've seen it often enough before.
Despite your best efforts, my body makes you cringe.
You pick up your pace a bit. I can always tell when a thin girl/boy is getting ready to lap me. Maybe it's an attempt to show me up. Maybe it's just the excitement and anticipation and making it around fast enough to get a good second look at the size of my ass.
I'm sweating so much my hair is wet. It disgusts you. "Why do fat people sweat so much?" you ask yourself. But you don't know enough about fitness and physiology to actually know the answer to your own question, so you move on. You run your 20 minutes before hitting the machines. Or maybe today it is the free weights. Sometimes, you run just long enough to warm up before that awesome TRX class you are heading into.
You're strong, and lean, and toned. I get it. I noticed you flex just a little bit more when our eyes locked momentarily.
Yes. In case, you're wondering, I'm impressed. Sure. Why not.
You know I'm working hard. And at least I'm trying, right? Even if I am not as awesome as you are...at least I'm trying...
So you smile at me. That sick, sweet, condescending smile of 'encouragement'. Sometimes, you even feel compelled to talk to me. To support me. To tell me "Hey, great job (fat girl)! Keep it up!" Sometimes, you've even gone far enough to notice that I'm holding a pretty damn good pace..."Wow, you're pretty fast! That's awesome! Great progress."
And then you go on your merry way, proud of yourself for showing such kindness onto you fellow (fat) human (sub) being.
I've got something to say to you.
You're a fool.
If you'd look me in the eye for only an instant, you would notice a few important things: First: I don't actually care if you respect me. That does not validate my existence any more than any other stranger on the street would. That you are thin and fit does not actually give you any special status in my eyes.
Beyond that, I don't actually need your support or encouragement. And you are pretty damn presumptuous to think that I do.
You see, this 'adventure I have started' isn't a new one. I've been at this game a while. In fact, while I watched you run your 20 minute laps around the track, what you failed to notice was that I had started running before you. In fact, I had already clocked 7km before you ran past me, and continued running through out most of your weight training time. Clocking in at 15 km, with a steady pace of 6.5 mph, I'm not actually a new runner at all. I'm just not a thin one.
Here's what you don't quite seem to understand: The "gigantic effort" that it took for me to "show up here", 'face my fears' and 'bravely set myself in motion, in front of others'...well, it's only actually a gigantic effort because of people like you!
Beyond that, I don't actually need your support or encouragement. And you are pretty damn presumptuous to think that I do.
You see, this 'adventure I have started' isn't a new one. I've been at this game a while. In fact, while I watched you run your 20 minute laps around the track, what you failed to notice was that I had started running before you. In fact, I had already clocked 7km before you ran past me, and continued running through out most of your weight training time. Clocking in at 15 km, with a steady pace of 6.5 mph, I'm not actually a new runner at all. I'm just not a thin one.
Here's what you don't quite seem to understand: The "gigantic effort" that it took for me to "show up here", 'face my fears' and 'bravely set myself in motion, in front of others'...well, it's only actually a gigantic effort because of people like you!
While you are over there patting yourself on the back for being 'kind' to a fatty, the fact of the matter is that people like you- people who feel entitled to view me as a body instead of a person, who spend more time writing about my sweat than you do asking yourself who I actually am, the person who smugly writes a public post with the explicit purpose of making themselves feel like a hero without for one second considering how many awful, shaming, disrespectful things are actually being said...
You are the reason I didn't want to go to the gym for a really long time.
You and the assumptions that you make about me.
Contrary to popular belief, I have not been living my life in a "physical state of numbness and passivity". Quite the opposite in fact- I have been raising two children under the age of five, have been living a wonderful and enriching marriage with my husband (yes, including sex. No, he isn't a "fatty" too...some men find women attractive for more things than just their body size), I have been working full time. I have been enjoying family vacations, drinking wine with my girlfriends, and generally living a pretty content and fulfilled existence.
No one who knows me beyond a fleeting side-glance at my sweat-soaked back would ever call me 'numb' or 'passive'.
You are the reason I didn't want to go to the gym for a really long time.
You and the assumptions that you make about me.
Contrary to popular belief, I have not been living my life in a "physical state of numbness and passivity". Quite the opposite in fact- I have been raising two children under the age of five, have been living a wonderful and enriching marriage with my husband (yes, including sex. No, he isn't a "fatty" too...some men find women attractive for more things than just their body size), I have been working full time. I have been enjoying family vacations, drinking wine with my girlfriends, and generally living a pretty content and fulfilled existence.
No one who knows me beyond a fleeting side-glance at my sweat-soaked back would ever call me 'numb' or 'passive'.
And while the decision to learn to master my body and move it in challenging and engaging ways like running wasn't an easy one, it was made a very long time ago...somewhere along the same time as my decision to be more considerate of the food choices that I make for myself and for my children.
These were difficult decisions...but not because "every hard breath" I take is easier than the one before, or because "every step is ever so slightly lighter" (in fact, neither of these are necessarily true. Running does not necessarily equate weight loss. And weight loss does not a runner make. And not all my breaths are easier now than they were before...because I am running faster and harder than ever...Which is also why I was sweating so much...but anyway...)
These were difficult decisions...but not because "every hard breath" I take is easier than the one before, or because "every step is ever so slightly lighter" (in fact, neither of these are necessarily true. Running does not necessarily equate weight loss. And weight loss does not a runner make. And not all my breaths are easier now than they were before...because I am running faster and harder than ever...Which is also why I was sweating so much...but anyway...)
And that "former person" you begrudgingly dismiss? Well, she doesn't exist. It has always been me, in this body, this whole time. After all, you only get one body and you are only ever one person.
And I always was 'forward-looking' and I always knew that anything was possible. I learned those lessons in much more meaningful ways than weight loss. I learned them when I faced life or death situations, when I held my newborn infants, when I accomplished any number of the thousands of goals and dreams that I have had in my (fat) life. Heck, some of them even happened when I was even more fat than you think I am now. Crazy, right?
And I always was 'forward-looking' and I always knew that anything was possible. I learned those lessons in much more meaningful ways than weight loss. I learned them when I faced life or death situations, when I held my newborn infants, when I accomplished any number of the thousands of goals and dreams that I have had in my (fat) life. Heck, some of them even happened when I was even more fat than you think I am now. Crazy, right?
So I may be a hero to you, but you should know that you are not one to me. I felt your creepy, judgemental gaze on my boy and I saw in your exactly what I have seen in people like you my entire life: You are not my friend. And you do not have my best interest at heart, even if you think you do.
Your interest lies in three things: 1) Using me as an inspiration-porn to validate your health/fitness lifestyle and promote an archaic idea of what health/fitness mean (see your blog post), 2) Using your stereotypes about my fat body to reenforce to yourself why you do what you do and why you value what you value. (Seriously, I can't tell you how many people will openly admit that they only work out in order to not get 'fat'), 3) Making yourself feel better about yourself by treating the outcast fat person with such a minute modicum of good will that it doesn't even qualify as 'kindness'.
Your contempt, disguised as cordiality...Your magnanimous belief that you are entitled to grant me clemency for the sin of fatness, because 'hey, at least she's trying NOT to be fat'...your self-aggrandizing act of philanthropy in using me as the inspiration for your fat-phobic diatribe....
You are gross. And you are not a hero to me.
You are gross. And you are not a hero to me.
And if you'd take off your blinders and put your head out there in the real world for more than a second or two, you will see a whole population of amazing, compassionate, intelligent, beautiful, funny, and admirable fat people who are living happily, with or without your gym. And if you use a particle of common sense, you will realize that you actually know absolutely NOTHING about the health and fitness routines of these people. All of your assumptions are based on the exact same ridiculous stereotypes that you claim that I am crushing because you happened to catch in the middle of a work out.
And all those people who made the resolutions to improve their health, and whom you never say at your gym again? Well, maybe you're the reason why.
Personally, I hope I don't have to run with you again. And if I do, I hope you'll spare me the saccharine niceties.
And all those people who made the resolutions to improve their health, and whom you never say at your gym again? Well, maybe you're the reason why.
Personally, I hope I don't have to run with you again. And if I do, I hope you'll spare me the saccharine niceties.
I'm a runner, and I don't need you to tell me that. I am moving forward because life only goes in one direction. I am amazed by myself every damn day because I am as awesome as I am 'fat'.
And one day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you'll step outside and notice that there's a fatty running laps around you. And it will challenge your self-esteem, because you have spent your life determining your self-worth in relationship to my waist line.
You will not believe your own body has let you down, that your worldview was this fragile. And maybe...just maybe, a new horizon will open up for you. You'll see that you were being an asshole, and you'll begin to make changes.
In the meanwhile, please don't assume I need your support. I've been doing just fine, despite you and people like you.
And one day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you'll step outside and notice that there's a fatty running laps around you. And it will challenge your self-esteem, because you have spent your life determining your self-worth in relationship to my waist line.
You will not believe your own body has let you down, that your worldview was this fragile. And maybe...just maybe, a new horizon will open up for you. You'll see that you were being an asshole, and you'll begin to make changes.
In the meanwhile, please don't assume I need your support. I've been doing just fine, despite you and people like you.
I laugh at you.
Fool.
Fool.
